What to Say and Do When Your Wife or Partner Has a Miscarriage

Illustration by Angelica Alzona/GMG

The high of learning your wife is pregnant, especially for the first time, could never reach the depths of the despair that tears you apart when you learn she will miscarry. But that is just the beginning.

There are the days leading up to the actual miscarriage. Then the physically painful process of the miscarriage. And the continued emotional devastation after.

I cried. A lot.

With my wife.

And alone.

If you’re experiencing this or already have, this is nothing new. And if you haven’t, hopefully you never will. But it’s important to know what you should or can do to help your wife or partner through a miscarriage and everything that comes before and after.

Here are some things you can do after the loss of a pregnancy.

Know Your Options

After the news comes out of the doctor’s mouth, that there isn’t a heartbeat from an ultrasound to confirm what you already feared, you both will be numb. You won’t want to do anything but lie in bed, cry and disappear.


No matter how devastated and frustrated you feel, just remember your wife will be more emotionally wrecked. She, out of anyone else, will feel like doing nothing but accompany misery. And rightfully so. It will be on you to stay strong for her. Strong enough to get out of bed and educate yourself on what will come next and what can be done further.

Help her find resources to learn the different ways to complete the miscarriage, like this post that goes through a number of ways to terminate a failed pregnancy

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